LooseCrew-JeffO: The Weird Post

LooseCrew-JeffO

Ramblings of an adventurous guy living in Denver and playing in the mountains.
For my trail adventures, visit my Trail Bum blog

Sunday, February 08, 2009

The Weird Post

For Saturday, I went running with someone from out of town. She was training for her first ultra. We went for two hours. It was a good time - I always like meeting people from other states - people I've never met before and maybe never will again. Two ships passing...


Red Hot 50K in one more week.

I noticed something disturbing this morning. I was taking a shower and noticed that I have fat on my ass. This wouldn't be such an odd thing for most people, but first, I'm an ultra-runner who ran 2400 miles last year, and second, I'm the buttless-wonder. I thought, "So my real ass, the one made out of meat, is EVEN SMALLER?!?! OMG! If it wasn't for this fat, I'd totally have NO ASS AT ALL!! I'd have to get a prosthetic ass!"

Some women get their breasts "done". They sit around with close friends and say, "I had them done. How do they look?"
I can see myself now after having my ass done... "Dude, look at my ass. I just had it done. Does it look natural? No, you can't touch it - but your girlfriend can, and she can give you the report. It hurt a little at first, but it was worth it."

Yes, this is a weird post of random jibberishnesses. I'm not done...

My 40's have been the best decade of my life. It is so true that 40-something is the new 30-something. We are looking better and feeling better than ever before - !IF! we follow all the latest research on health, nutrition, exercise, etc. I'm now in the last year of the best decade of my life.
In spite of being a good year, my body still acts like it's truly 49 years old. I have to shave my ears (Eeeeoooooo!!!!!! TMI!). Maybe if I let it grow out I could braid little pony-tails? I could guru a new thing - like Goth for old people. Maybe we could all go around with little pony-tails from our ears, noses, and moles. Hey, it can't be worse than cutting into your earlobe and stretching a hole out so much you can fit a 2" diamter thingy into it. Or sticking 5 pieces of metal into your lip. Or, "I'm so ugly that I want to make it worse and draw attention to the fact at the same time!"
Maybe I could meet other old women with pony-tails in their armpits. We could go to Grateful Dead concerts and sit around complaining about young people.

Or not. It was just a thought.

9 Comments:

At 2:43 PM, Blogger Kevin said...

Jeff, that is a hilarious post. I hear you about the ear hair thing. I trim those suckers like every two weeks and within a couple of days there's hair there again. It's just the cruelness of nature that as the hairline on my head is receding, it's compensated by growing hair everywhere else: my back, my ears, my shoulders. I feel like I have to spend so much time primping these days just to not look like a wild man.

 
At 4:53 PM, Blogger olga said...

Well, when you have your butt done, we can exchange about how it felt after - only I'll be the one talking boobs:) Man, I always had butt, it's my signature, and this months I noticed it got skinnier? Like, wtf? I want my fat ass back! LOL! I think it got scared of all this HR thing. Are you coming to hang out again?

 
At 3:31 PM, Blogger Justin Mock said...

Good luck on Saturday! Wish I was going.

 
At 3:31 PM, Blogger Justin Mock said...

Good luck on Saturday! Wish I was going.

 
At 10:05 PM, Blogger Talon said...

Definitely a weird post! LOL

 
At 7:04 AM, Blogger Trailrat said...

See ya in Moab! It is going to be a great run, the weather forecast looks like it might rain, hope not. Very funny post by the way.

 
At 7:07 PM, Blogger holly said...

Only moments ago I knew very little about you, and now I know sooooo much. Just don't braid the hair that grows out of your ass ;)

 
At 10:05 PM, Blogger JeffO said...

This is a regular geezer geyser!
Kevin - It's not that we're getting fat. Our shirts are puffed out because of all the hair, right?

Olga - You're supposed to have butt. Somehow your big butt looks a million times better than mine. See how that works?

Justin - It should be a great time in Moab. Seeya on the flip.

Talon - Coffee Sunday or Monday?

Shad - We'll do good no matter what the weather. It's an adventure!

Holly - Sorry for the TMI. I guess we covered lots of ground real fast, sorta. So now you're already like family!

 
At 3:46 PM, Blogger Michael Quispe said...

Well, just keep us informed of your butt implants (something women also get). And no, I won't want to touch.

 

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