LooseCrew-JeffO: Ultra-shorts


Ramblings of an adventurous guy living in Denver and playing in the mountains.
For my trail adventures, visit my Trail Bum blog

Saturday, September 05, 2009


I ran all of my races longer than marathon, and some of the tougher mountain marathons in my beloved EMS shorts. I've owned these shorts for about a decade. Right after crossing the river at Leadville, I squatted down to wet my bandanna and suffered a catastrophic crotch failure. I was "free and lovin' it", but almost running in a running-skirt.
These shorts were showing signs of wear, and maybe I should have put them out of their misery a year ago, but this time there was no choice left.

Here's what I love about these shorts...
1 - Cargo pockets on the front of the thighs. If they're on the sides, filled cargo pockets flop and sway and impede running.

2 - A nylon belt. If you put anything into cargo pockets, they're going to pull your shorts down. A cord cuts in, but a 3/4" nylon web belt doesn't.
Besides, when I wear my hydration pack, I clicp the pack belt through my pants belt and nothing flops anywhere! Can't do that with a cord.
Hydration packs tend to cause plain elastic shorts to fall down, even with empty pockets. That's me - the buttless-wonder. Narrow hips and no ass. All it takes is a hint, and elastic shorts have to be pulled back up constantly. Not fun in long races.

3 - Six inch inseam. Nearly all shorts these days have an 8"-12" inseam. Again, this leads to flopping shorts when cargo pockets are used. If I wanted long pants, I wouldn't be wearing shorts, so why do today's shorts come down to the knees? (Eoow - that sounded like an old grumpy guy.)

4 - 100% nylon. Obviously, cotton is not allowed, but there are other synthetic materials. My shorts weren't at all elastic. I don't mind some elastic (to avoid binding and chaffing), but as I've said twice already, flopping cargo is bad, and elastic allows flopping.

My old EMS shorts were just the right amount of slack, and just the right amount of looseness. This is kind of critical, over 100 miles.
EMS doesn't sell shorts like these anymore. Close, but no cigar.
Luckily, I bought two other pairs at the same time! Unfortunately, the thread on these others are falling apart. The pockets all need mending.

The most critical thing, though, is the colors of these other shorts don't match my other stuff!!!! Light gray and light olive don't color-coordinate with my gear. When you suck on the trail as bad as me, you have to have at least some semblance of fashion, right?


At 4:31 PM, Blogger Sunshine Girl said...

I hate it when "catostrophic crotch failure" happens. Bummer!


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